Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
