so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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