Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry about my life...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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