There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
