I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
