This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
