We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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