Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
