trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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