did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
