when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
