she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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