I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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