Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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