Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
