The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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