How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
