just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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