mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
