I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
