Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm really into asian looking animals
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
