I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
