Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
