So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
