HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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