dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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