your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
