Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
