please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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