If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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