Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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