You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
