she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
