Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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