idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
