I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
