I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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