I'm gonna have a badass scar
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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