It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
