I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
