He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm passing your future prison.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
