I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
