Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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