I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
