pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
