Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
