I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He passed out mid-signature
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
