I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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