i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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