C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
