barbara walters just said penis...
The best revenge is premature balding
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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