Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
