i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
