No awkward lesbian experiences without me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
