Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
