he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
