all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
