Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
