we have officially lost it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
