Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
