If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
soo... how was my night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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