Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My pussy is not your playground.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
