High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
