That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
a search helicopter?!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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