she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
