my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
