The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
