just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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