Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
