just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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