"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize