how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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