its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
