he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
