Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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