i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
