first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
