mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
