the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
