I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
