hell yes lets make some ravioli
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
