So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
